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First, think about how horrific that question sounds when asked of a female victim, since most people will accept that a pound woman isn't able to overpower a rampaging rape monster two and a half times her size. And, right about here is where waves of men's rights types are waiting to come storming in to the rescue. But for me, whenever I tell someone I was raped by a woman, they act like I just told them I was bitten by a leprechaun. My situation is so foreign to most people that even the Department of Justice -- you know, the people whose job it is to determine the legal ramifications of a misplaced comma -- isn't even willing to unambiguously call it rape. The recently revised DOJ definition of rape reads: It's Hermione, the character whose main purpose in the plot is to know absolutely everything.

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First, how about the fact that I don't want to inflict violence on anyone, regardless of who they are or what they're doing?

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The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied by 'Harry Potter'

C'mon, give a bro some deets! As a decade's worth of storytelling culminates with Avengers: Well, unless you count the part where she is abducted and gang raped by centaurs in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Well, for starters, if you ask a man who's been coerced, intimidated, or physically forced into sex with a woman whether or not he's been raped, he's pretty likely to say no it took researchers years to even think to ask men this question, by the way. And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. I agree to the Terms of Service.

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